


Solace

by justlieforme



Category: K-pop, SHINee, f(SHINee), f(x)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlieforme/pseuds/justlieforme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She found solace when she needed it most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solace

When Krystal and Victoria were away in China and it was just her and Amber promoting for f(x), Luna couldn't have been happier. Spending time with her like that was just amazing. After her admiration for her older bandmate progressed into something more, being able to perform and joke and spend time with her was everything she’d ever wanted, and she couldn't help but think that after everything, maybe, just maybe, Amber felt the same way about her, too. They had shared a kiss and despite it being an accident, it was enough to bring her hand to her lips and keep her up every night and she desperately wondered if she was doing the same.

 

After some time they were due for another concert, so Luna readily walked into the practice room with a smile on her face, happy and refreshed. She noticed Victoria had yet to arrive, so seated on the hardwood floor were only Amber and Krystal, and in a matter of seconds her smile fell.

 

She surely hadn't walked in quietly, yet neither of them turned her way, both engrossed in something on Krystal's phone.

 

“Hey guys,” she said, setting her bag down against the wall near them. Krystal made a small noise and Amber gave her a quick “Oh hey, Luna,” without bothering to turn towards her, the both of them suddenly bursting into laughter.

 

“What are you guys laughing at?” she asked, tentatively taking a seat near them.

 

“Oh it's just this-”

 

“Oh my god how did he even do that that makes no sense!” Krystal exclaimed in English, causing Amber to fall into a fit of laughter again.

 

“It's cuz he has that thing attached to his back oh my God! That's insane…”

 

Their conversation continued, their English causing Luna to merely sit and watch, the two of them apparently forgetting she was even there.

 

When Victoria came and they started to rehearse, she thought it'd be over, that they'd just _dance._ But no, every other moment they'd been giggling incessantly until Victoria finally yelled at them to stop.

 

When their practice from hell was finally over, Victoria quickly rushed out for some meeting and Luna was taking her time with some extra cool down stretches.

 

“Hey, do you wanna go grab lunch?” she heard Krystal say in English she could understand.

 

“Uhh sure. How bout that burger place from last time?” Amber replied.

 

“Yeah I liked that place. Let's go.”

 

And then they were off, barely even bidding her a quick goodbye. She had just bent down to get her water, and when she turned around, they were gone.

 

Her mouth nearly opened shock in the way she was just..dropped. Just before, she and Amber were inseparable and now? Now Luna couldn’t even get her to look her way. And that hurt. She tried not to to think too much of it, because really it had been a long time since Krystal and Amber had last seen each other, but the way she was being treated still jabbed at her heart.

 

She plopped down onto the floor with her water bottle and took a long sip. She felt angry and offended and was hurting like hell. Had she really just been the second choice this entire time? For the past few months, was Amber just having fun with her because Krystal wasn't around?

 

They had gotten so close, or at least Luna thought they did, and after having a crush on her for so long and getting her hopes up... _God,_ she thought, wiping at her teary eyes with the back of her hand, _I was so stupid._

 

She sat there wiping back her tears, feeling quite stupid for even crying in the first place, and she didn't even notice when Onew poked his head near the door until suddenly he was rushing towards her.

 

“Luna!” he exclaimed, crouching down so that he was in front of her, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

 

She pulled her hands away from her nearly dry eyes, shaking her head, “No, I’m fine, Onew... Just a little sad, that's all.”

 

“Sad?” he asked, still looking at her with concern, moving so that he was closer to her, “Why are you sad? Weren't you guys just practicing in here?”

 

“Yeah, well I don't know...I'll get over it,” she sighed, staring at her hands in her lap.

 

“Well,” he said, touching her arm slightly, “You can always tell me about it-if you want. I'm here to listen.”

 

She looked up into his warm brown eyes and found him looking at her sweetly, sincerely. They had been good friends ever since before her debut so she didn't feel the least bit embarrassed about him seeing her like this. She smiled and he grinned in response, swinging his arm around so he could wrap it around her shoulder. He was warm and smelled really good, so she shifted closer and rested her head against his chest. She pulled back to look up at him and say something, but stopped short. He was staring down at her and she studied his face. In it, she found comfort and familiarity, filling her with a pleasant feeling. It was nice to look into his eyes and see that he actually cared and all of a sudden, without warning or any second thought, she pulled him into a kiss.

 

This felt like a bad idea.

 

Her lips moved against his and he remained frozen. The initial shock of it eventually wore off before he began to respond, his large hand coming to cup her cheek.

 

She was kissing him intensely and he felt it, his hands moving to hold her as she pressed her body against his.

 

She needed this. She knew this was wrong and that she was just using him, but she needed this. She was still upset and when she heard him moan when she stuck her tongue in his mouth, she felt good. She liked it. He was nice. His lips were soft and he was letting her do what she wanted so she'd pushed him down so that she was on top of him, continuing to assault his mouth with his arms tightening around her.

 

After some time, they realized they were still in the practice room and she slid off of him, panting heavily, her eyes looking away from him as she scooted away.

 

“I-I’m sorry for doing that...”

 

He stared at her, nearly startling her when he put his hand on hers.

 

“It's okay, Luna. I understand.”

 

The next time it happened was at M Countdown.

 

They were on stage, only having about four songs to perform. She tried to forget everything that had just happened a few days before, and she thought she really had, until she saw them and it all came rushing back.

 

Amber was only ever focused on Krystal the entire time. Dancing, laughing, singing to each other-all the things she and Amber had done their solo stage a few weeks back, except this time, since they had the most fans, the crowd was going wild and she couldn’t help but be flooded with envy, every fiber of her being wishing it was her Amber looked at that way, her the crowds loved seeing with her, and them being the ones to steal the show.

 

To her luck, her work in musicals made her a master of acting on stage, so with her shiny mic in hand, she waved to whatever fans she could find in the audience and sang her broken heart out.

 

Just after, when she was tired and sore, he was backstage. When their eyes met, he saw them filled with the same sadness they had before, and just moments later, she was being slammed against his dressing room door. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and he held her tight, not asking questions and merely giving her what she wanted and soon enough, this became a regular thing for them.

 

A long day and would pass and she could just send him a text within minutes he’d be at her door.

 

It was an unsaid deal they came to have. When it was over, they’d always move and have their own sides of the bed, sometimes a hand or foot still resting on the other’s. They didn’t kiss at the end either. His lips would either press against her forehead as she hugged him goodbye or she'd rise up on her tiptoes to peck him on the cheek, and to her, it was perfect. Their friendship still felt the way it used to be and they were fine the way they were.

 

It was after around the fifth time, after her naked, sweaty body climbed off his to lay beside him, when he finally asked, “What is it that's been bothering you so much?”

 

She exhaled loudly, staring up at the plain white ceiling as her breathing evened.

 

“I think I was in love with Amber.”

 

“Oh,” he stated blankly, and was silent for a few moments as that thought traveled through his mind while she laid there, pondering over the way she automatically spoke in past tense.

 

“I didn't know that you liked-”

 

“Girls?” she said, “I don't. Well, I don't think I do...Amber..was just the exception.”

* * *

 

She felt herself become distanced from the group, even more so than before, and she didn't have the urge to stop it. During breaks in their practices or projects, she would always go on her phone and find some meme or stupid joke that he'd sent to her and she’d think of how amused his face must've been when he saw it and it’d make her laugh out loud, then prompting an annoying “What's so funny?” to which she’d have nothing to say.

 

Afterwards, she'd head home, and soon enough, he'd be there, snacks and a six pack in hand. They'd switch on a movie, laugh and throw popcorn at the screen, and end up in her bed before they ever got through to the end.

 

It was a bit ridiculous how neither of them realized what was going on.

 

Some time later, she’d called him to invite him over and soon realized he was sick. If the way she sprinted over to his place was any indication, she didn’t see it. Almost by instinct, she cooked for him and forced him to take spoonfuls of some soup he was too weak to enjoy. She fussed over him for the entire night and after she'd finally gotten him to swallow down his pills, her phone rang.

 

“Hello?” she distractedly asked as she stepped into the hallway.

 

“Luna!” Amber’s voice came, “Wanna go grab dinner?”

 

Perhaps a few months ago the invite would’ve quickened her heartbeat a few paces, but today all she did was turn around and see him tossing and turning with great difficulty in the tangled sheets. Without even having to think about it, she muttered a quick “I've got other plans,” before hanging up. She went back to sit beside him and ran a hand through his matted hair, thoughts about the little phone call soon leaving her head. He let out a sigh of relief and smiled as she continued to stroke his head. As he weakly cracked a smile up at her, felt no regret with her decision, even feeling the same way when she came down with his same fever the very next day.

 

It was one night when they were laying in bed together when they finally caught up to their senses. Her back was pressed firmly against his front, and if it was before, they would’ve long since moved to their respective sides of the bed, but this time they didn't. With sore lips, he kissed her bare shoulder and whispered her name.

 

She caught a hint of something in his tone. “Yeah?”

 

He didn't say anything, so she twisted around to face him.

 

“What is it?” Her hand rose to cup his cheek and he closed his eyes, leaning into her palm.

 

“I...I love you.”

 

She was silent and he slowly opened his eyes. In the faint light from the street lamp outside, he could barely see her expression and he froze, fearing he'd just made a huge mistake. Those fears were soon squelched when her hand slipped from the side of his face and she moved closer, her nose pressing into his neck. He felt her place a kiss near his Adam's apple and heard a soft “I love you, too,” from her lips against his skin before she fell asleep in his arms, the happiest she’s ever been.


End file.
